Allowed to change your mind

& brave enough to let it happen.

Remember that it changes.

Maybe it’s a kind of wisdom, that as I learn more about some things, I also learn that I don’t know much about anything. At times I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of the unknown. Knowing what to do and what to believe is an endless, ever-shifting process.

The more I accept that I will probably change my mind about many things I think I know now, the better I feel. Instead of restricting myself to the illusion of certainty, I can practice not attaching myself to any one idea, plan, or ideology. The unknown can become a treasure chest, full of interesting things to pick up and taste and try on. How does it feel to think about this? How does it feel to believe that? How does it feel to take this step?

The point is to try things out, and if they don’t feel right you put them down.

People change by choice and in response to life. The less we resist the changes that are occurring naturally, the less resistance we experience. As Octavia Butler wrote,“All that you touch, you Change. All that you Change Changes you…God is Change.” Everything changes, every day, with every breath. Noticing the fluctuations in our bodies and the dynamism of the earth makes this truth easier to see.

Brave enough to let it change.

It’s brave to let your mind change when having clear plans and ideas is considered near virtuous. Knowing who you are, what you believe, and where you’re going has historically been seen as strong and admirable.

Of course, goals and plans can be wonderfully constructive and add meaning to your days. And, like many things, they must be written in sand. Subject to change, because they will. Because life is unpredictable, feelings are transitory, and people cannot be controlled.

Maybe the goal is to let your mind change when it does.

Ok to regret, ok to make mistakes.

People make mistakes. It’s common in some spaces to share (spiritually bypassing) messages like “there are no mistakes or regrets, because everything is a lesson!” This is the same kind of reductionist thinking also used to justify saying “oh everything happens for a reason,” which is often insensitive and incorrect.

It is absolutely true that we can learn from pain, and that difficult things can end up being our greatest teachers. And, we’re allowed to regret things when we do, and it’s ok to call something a mistake when it is.

Mistakes are real! Fuck-ups happen, it’s possible to make a wrong turn, and sometimes we are just flat-out wrong. It’s actually fine and a part of life to accidentally step on toes, hurt some feelings, or make a choice that we thought was right and wasn’t. Maybe normalizing mistakes would help us admit when we’ve made one. 

Acknowledging mistakes does not require shame or self-loathing, nor does it mean that we are bad. It shows that we are human. True accountability can come when we recognize that we’ve messed up or acted outside of our integrity, and seek to make amends of our own accord. Being too afraid to call something a mistake deters this process.

Regretting something you did shows that you’ve grown. If we never look back at ourselves critically, we run the risk of repeating the same mistakes. Reflecting on what didn’t go so well is important — how else can we know who we are if we never encounter what feels wrong? There is great wisdom that comes with facing the sticky memories, the foot-in-mouth moments, and the times we wish we could forget or do-over.

Allowed to change your mind.

Change is inevitable, and can make us feel vulnerable. It’s scary when altering our plans means disrupting another’s. Making changes can initially feel isolating, especially when we remove ourselves from certain environments or stop doing things we used to do.

As we change and make changes, we can look back on our previous selves with compassion. Even if we have regrets, or would never do again what we once did — we still deserve love. To me, walking the talk of changing my mind means extending this same grace and compassion to everyone else as they change.

It’s ok to abandon ideas that you once thought were right. It’s ok to be wrong, to change course, to try something new and then move on again. It’s really just normal.

Bravery is being willing to exist in the unknown, to get things wrong and acknowledge when they were.

You are allowed to change your mind.

xx, maggie