I don’t know yet

And it’s literally fine.

A core concept of human design, a modality I study, is that the universe is still expanding and not everything we are able to take in is available to be taken in yet. On a more micro level, this means we don’t have access to all of the knowledge of our lives yet, because our lives are still unfolding.

A belief experiment

So what if, right now, we know what we are supposed to know for right now? 
And what if the things that we don’t know, it’s because it isn’t time to know yet? 
What if we relieved ourselves of the pressure of needing to know something that isn’t ready to be known yet?
What if we considered that in this moment, and this one, we have all of the information we need?
This takes a lot of pressure off of the need to have the answers for next week or next year right now. 

More ease / less stress

To live more easefully, I’ve been considering that the feeling of “I have to do/know this right now” is a sign that I do not need to do anything. Actually, this feeling says I should wait even longer to act.

When I’m fueled by a pressing desire to Make the Decision!! , it’s coming from a place of stress— a pressure to be certain about something I'm not yet certain about. It’s my mind trying to solve problems that are not ready to be solved, or are not mine to solve.

If I don’t know what to do yet, it’s not time to do anything yet. Kind of a radical thing to experiment with believing, as it counteracts the urgency and fear that fuels a lot of our media and society.

Mostly, things are not urgent. They do not need to be decided on right this moment, especially if you *think* they do. You can live with less urgency and still get everything done — and probably be happier in the process. I really believe that there is a frequency of living in which you move through your days with more ease and less stress. And it will look different for each of us! Your body is so fucking smart — when something does need to be done immediately, you can trust that you will take care of it. When your pot is bubbling over — literally or figuratively — internal pressure will move you to turn off the stove and clean up the mess.

Much of my internal monologue these days (when not overcomplicating uncomplicated situations) is characterized by this light spontaneous presence: ‘ok now I’m making my coffee, putting my shoes on, I’m driving down the road, calling my mom,’ etc. When I’m lost in the mental planning for the future, it helps to come back here now. Because as Ram Dass knew and told us all — “being here now is the best preparation for when you are there then or when there then is here now.”

Default to No.

You’re not supposed to know everything right now. You’re not supposed to say yes to everything. That’s why we have these intelligent discerning bodies that let us know what they want and how they feel when they’re ready to tell us and we’re ready to hear it.

Hesitancy, for me, is not a yes. It’s a no or not yet, until it’s a yes. Or, it’s never a yes and thank god I defaulted to no! Don’t force the knowing — it will eventually come. Or it won’t, and that’s also a form of knowing.

Once you know, then you (must) do. 

Clarity about my big decisions come over time. I oscillate, I’m unsure, I don’t know until I finally do. God bless my roommates and parents who listen every day to “Do I want this? Do I like this? Is this worth my time and energy and love? I don’t know what I want yet. I don’t know what’s right yet.” 

I quit one of my jobs last week, after three months of considering doing so. I felt nervous and hesitant about it and then one morning the clarity was sparked after listening to Chani Nicholas (of course). Chani told me (on her podcast) that “if you get clarity around something, your job is to make sure you DO something with that clarity. That you act from that place of knowing and don’t pretend like you didn’t the message.” Don’t pretend that you don’t want what you do. 

So then I went and quit because I could no longer ignore that quitting was correct for me.

If you don’t know, wait longer. If you do know, don’t pretend that you don’t.

Bravely onward!

xx maggie