Doula your way through.

If ‘to doula’ was a verb.

Doula yourself through your own transitions.

During every transition, seek to create as much spaciousness and ease as possible. This advice has been orbiting me via my friends and Elizabeth Gilbert, who says that the most important thing during any grieving period is to try to love yourself as best as you can.

Regardless of how heavy it is, whatever you are moving through deserves more lightness. You can create (and accept) additional support. This is what birth and death doulas help provide — emotional/physical/spiritual support so that the transition might actually be enjoyable or peaceful.

When your body hurts, you take care of it, and the same should be true when your mind hurts. In the midst of stress, anxiety, grief or emotional agony, take extra good care of yourself! Claim your agency by focusing on what you can control, and add some life enhancements while you’re at it.

Life will always ask you to let go of what is holding you back from your slightly higher potential. You are always being pushed toward expansion, and if you believe that life does indeed work in your favor, it is easier to trust and appreciate that the growing pains are worth feeling.

Even what is good and right will hurt at some point, because change has to involve the death of something. Old and stale and no longer healthy versions of you must go. Otherwise, no room! In the words of Ram Dass, “how much can we allow [ourselves] to become new, and how much do we cling to what [we] used to be yesterday?”

Make this a little better, if you can.

What I admire most about Elizabeth Gilbert is her commitment to joy — you can hear it in her voice and all through her writing. Feeling her pain does not come at the expense of her joy. She illustrates so well that we can consciously seek things that brighten us without escaping the hard feelings.

Sadness lives inside of me, I try to not force it away. And, I also like to go hunting around the city or my mind for things that feel lighter, or remind me that joy also lives inside of me. Experimenting with fun as my priority seems like a good idea.

If we are so caught up in what is stressful or bad about this, we miss out on what is beautiful and sweet about this. Everything hard you’re growing through can be transformed into beauty, if you allow it to.

Maybe you start by forgiving yourself for anything creating guilt or shame, accepting that this is how it is right now, and validating the shit out of your experience. Then, move on and do whatever it takes to drum up some joy or fun (because validation only takes you so far).

Wherever you need support or space, go find it. However you can make this a little more enjoyable, a little more easeful — go do it. However you can feel and release this pain a little more — go forth! Then even more love can come through. 

May your summer solstice be illuminating and full of blessings!

xx, maggie