Fully squeezed

You do know how to feel.

I quoted Wayne Dyer in my last week’s post; the orange juice line. Here it is again: “When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out – because that’s what’s inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.”

He goes on to say that if you want to be filled with fresh, clear juice, you must first address the stale, rancid juice that’s still inside of you.

Right now is a great opportunity to shine light on the dark parts of this last year and consider what needs to be squeezed out.

What were the most challenging, heartbreaking moments? The most painful, intense moments? The saddest, softest, sweetest moments. The moments that still make you feel, a lot.

Release the pain

Our bodies are reservoirs of pain and experiences past — the body remembers everything. What you are not yet ready to deal with, the body will hold.

Many people in this world will never have the privilege of processing the weight of their trauma and pain; they are literally just trying to stay alive. In my opinion, if you are able to work through your emotional pain — to let yourself feel what is inside — you have an obligation to do so. It is essential for the health of the Earth and humanity. Unfelt or overindulged pain fuels cruelty, abuse, injustice.

Your body can do so much work to keep your feelings in. Eventually, they WILL need to go somewhere. Continuing to bottle and stuff that stale juice inside will make you sick. Dumping those bottles on other people causes harm and makes you an asshole. Lose / lose.

When we feel the feelings, we let them go. 

What is stuck inside of you? What has not yet been fully felt?

You simply must squeeze yourself. Especially if you have a job that requires you to smother your authentic feelings as they emerge. Do the heavy lifting now and feel into what’s stuck. You do have shit clogging your system: clear that gunk out. Let it move through you. Then when you are inevitably squeezed by someone else, there isn’t a heap of horrors that spills out.

Sometimes feelings are so buried under layers of conditioning and ‘I’m fine!!’’s that you have to dig a little to find them. Or ask where they are. If you’re open to releasing what is stuck inside, then life will arrange situations that prod you into feeling. 

Pay attention to when you get pinches of embarrassment, shame, sadness, anger. Notice when you’re being critical or jealous. Lean into the feeling underneath the chatter of the judgmental mind. Don’t give more power to what’s inside of you by fearing it.

When the juice that’s been dying to bust out of your skin starts to ooze, go with it. Get angry, be sad, laugh hysterically. Wail and claw and rage and scream and dance and cry for three hours in fetal position. If it’s coming out of you, it’s because it was inside of you. Fully feel it! You’ll be ok. (And also, don’t push yourself past your limits or try to process 20 years of pain at once. This is why we go to therapy).

You do know how to feel.

Little kids know how to squeeze themselves! They let the entirety of their being be encapsulated by their present moment. They are So Mad or Sad, and then, it passes. (Unless some nosy adult intervenes and tries to stuff them back into being FIIINE).

We still know how to do this, too. Just takes a little extra work. Don’t be afraid to give the pot of your internal world a big stir to bring some feelings to the top.

I’ve been stirring myself up with this reflection lately: What are you setting down and lighting on fire? What are you absolutely never ever picking back up again? Like there’s no way in Hell you’d pick that shit up again. What are you FUCKING DONE WITH.

Rachel Brathen introduced me to shaking meditations a couple years ago, which carried me through the early pandemic. I’ve returned to them in the last couple weeks; 15 minutes of shaking to stormy music. You stand, soften your knees, and shake from the ground up. Eventually, the shake takes over and you are not the one doing the shaking — the shake is coming from within you. Yes it looks and feels wild and primal, because it is wild and primal. You are wild and primal.

Feel what is here. Feel fully what is at the surface of your being, then go a layer or two deeper. It doesn’t even matter if you consciously know what you are feeling about. It just matters that you feel it.

You know how. Journal or meditate or take a long walk, talk to your people. Breathe deeply. Throw a temper tantrum, beat some pillows. When all else fails, dance. Put on music that makes you feel something. Squeeze yourself dry. Make room for different feelings and experiences to take up space in your body.

You’re here now. 
Be here now. 
Feel what’s here now. 
Soften your jaw. 
Soften your tongue from the roof of your mouth, let your shoulders go. 
Breathe in, and breathe out,  
Again and again and again. 
Be with what’s here. 
Again, again, again. 

xx maggie

p.s. Thank you, from my whole entire heart, for reading and being here.