How to Move to a New City With No Real Plan and Eventually Love Your Life There

With a willingness to figure things out and that good sweet blessing of TIME.

I’ve been living in San Diego for two years, now. My, how life has changed since two years ago. Wouldn’t you agree?

Two years later, and I know how to get around without a map (though I rarely do); I have favorite grocery stores and beaches and cafes; I know which playgrounds are the most fun; I know where to park for the farmers market. Two years later, and I’m halfway through graduate school and also have friends—people I want to hang out with, spend time with, most of whom I did not even know two years ago.

Two years into living here, and I think I might stay a while longer.

Two years ago, I moved without any plan beyond seeing what it was like to live in San Diego. I packed my Subaru full of my belongings, rented an apartment with my friend from college, and browsed Facebook for a nannying job. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain; this attitude supported me in figuring things out— and in having a (mostly) good time in the process.

Recently, I read this from Shane Parrish’s Brain Food newsletter.

The willingness to figure things out as you go is often the only difference between those who achieve difficult things and those who never begin.

As Picasso observed, “To know what you are going to draw, you have to begin drawing.”

This quote sums up exactly how I felt about moving to San Diego, and how I feel about life, generally: in order to figure out what you want with your life, you have to start drawing. You have to start, with a willingness to figure things out as you go. Becoming attached to a plan or an idea of what your life should look like is limiting: it limits your ability to respond to what life actually serves you and to discern how you actually feel about it. Your life is always a collaborative work in progress; so, collaborate, rather than attempt to control.

Truth is, you don’t know where you’re going to end up next year, or the year after, or in ten years. But, are you willing to figure it out as you go? Are you willing to abandon your plans for the sake of what feels right, right now?

Figuring life out as life happens, and making decisions based on what is actually happening now, seems a better framework for pursuing success and overall life satisfaction than remaining attached to your idea of how life should go or be. The former is an embodied approach to life; the latter, a mental one.

I’m still figuring out what I’m drawing, here in San Diego, but I sure am drawing something. I’m trying not to be too attached.

I would be remiss not to mention that over the past two years, my life has not been entirely rosy. I have indeed been lonely and stressed out, and have longed for past chapters of my life, and have even heavily doubted my decision to move here in the first place, away from my family and friends. And yet, I stayed.

Because I stayed, a lot of these problems have resolved with time. Time—that sweet gift—has done its good work on me: with time, I have been able to develop relationships, and create a home, and experience the kind of stability that allows me to feel settled (but never trapped).

If I had to write a recipe for “How To Move to a New City With No Real Plan and Eventually Love Your Life There”, it would be this:

A willingness to try new things

+ A willingness to figure things out as you go

+ An intention to find satisfaction and fulfillment

+ TIME

= the ability to thrive where you are.

In practice, this recipe has looked like this:

Trying things out. Waiting. Working. Trying something new. Waiting more. Working more. Trying something different. Always believing that happiness and satisfaction is accessible to you. Remembering that here, now, is the only time you can do anything about anything.

Remembering that it takes time. Letting time do its good work.

I am here to tell anyone who needs to hear it that time, energy, and intention to be happy and find fulfillment is enough to “make it” in a new city or in any new chapter of life.

For anyone who needs to hear it today: Be patient. Keep going. Try something new.

Be willing to figure things out as you go.

And, always: Good luck.

Maggie