Is it a trauma response or an emotional trigger?

Words mean things!

I’ve been watching Love is Blind (an absurd show, truly fascinating) and all of the fights these people get into are void of literally anything — I have no idea what they’re fighting about, and neither, it seems, do they. Every so often they’ll say something like “narcissist!” or “you’re gaslighting me” when it doesn’t make any sense. 

Words are important because they have meaning. I think often about how words like ‘authenticity’ and ‘vulnerability’ — practices that can be transformational — have been bastardized and integrated incorrectly into common language. Trauma is a prime example — it has lost meaning because it is frequently generalized to include everything that was hard or sad. 

There are real definitions and criteria for acute, chronic, and complex trauma. Many (if not most) psychologists consider it invalidating to use the word trauma as a catchall term for every type of physical or psychological pain. We all had childhood wounding but we did not all have childhood trauma. We all feel emotionally triggered sometimes, but we do not all have trauma flashbacks.

Trauma strips you of agency, is out of your control, threatens your life or safety. Traumatic events leave lasting negative impacts on your physical, social, emotional, spiritual health — they can cause neurological damage, panic attacks, dissociation, paranoia. Treatment should include actual psychologists and therapy, not instagram mindfulness influencers or teenagers on TikTok.

I’m not here to say ‘this is the definition of trauma that everyone should use’ nor am I here to say that language should be policed. But! I do think that when talking about trauma, we should be specific and intentional. Does ‘it was traumatic’ mean that it was difficult and sad and still makes you feel upset sometimes? Or that your body regularly goes into shock and you can’t get out of bed for weeks?

Is it trauma, or did not making the soccer team exclude you from social groups and thus you are now hypersensitive to rejection? Is it trauma, or did you grow up around adults who pretended to be ok when they weren’t and now you have a hard time trusting anyone?

Pain does not have to qualify as trauma in order to be valid. (!!)

If you’re actually interested in inquiring into the deep and painful parts of your past that still impact you now — that’s amazing, go to a therapist and start a spiritual practice.

You deserve to work through everything that is holding you back. All childhood wounds can be persistently hurtful and can inhibit your daily functioning or prevent you from living your freest and most beautiful life. And also, those wounds might not be trauma, and what a blessing because trauma is not an experience to be coveted.

Life is full of hard and sad things. Some people have it worse. Everyone should feel that their pain is valid, but not all pain is trauma. 

Your words matter, and so does your pain. :)

xx, maggie

P.s. second episode of the podcast is out, it’s called “What does it mean to know yourself?” and it’s really fun. You can also listen on Spotify below.