Making peace with maybes

Maybe, maybe not!

There’s a Stoic practice called ‘premeditation of evils’ (or ‘negative visualization’) that involves considering all of the things that might go wrong.

This helps us prepare our psyches for difficulty — not because things will go wrong, but because they might. Since we can’t control what happens, the least we can do is accept that it might be really hard, that we might face roadblocks, and that it might be totally different than we expect. And, that all of this can be ok, and we can be ok in all of this.

Unexpected drama does not have to completely destabilize us every time. We are actually equipped to deal with life’s challenges as they come because we are strong & resilient beings.

Maybe, maybe not.

Negative visualization is similar to something people use in ERP (exposure and response prevention) for OCD treatment. Drawing attention to the possibility of what might go wrong or be hard allows you to sit with the fear and let it move through. One of my favorite writers, Haley Jakobson, speaks about falling in love with ‘maybe/maybe not’ — a technique from ERP to confront intrusive thoughts and release control.

Your mind is great at thinking of things that might go wrong. That’s its job. But thoughts alone are just words that come and go — it is our appraisal and response to them that can hurt us or others. By acknowledging all of our thoughts, we are able to change our relationship to the ‘negative’ ones and lessen their power over us.

Maybe I have a terrible time. Maybe I should have said no. Maybe they are lying to me. Maybe I fall onto the train tracks later today. Maybe this makes me sick. Maybe I will lose my friends. Maybe they don’t even like me. Maybe they will die and I will be sad forever. Maybe I will be fired, maybe it won’t work out, maybe I will lose all my memories. Maybe I’m wrong about that, maybe they got offended by that thing I said. Maybe I can’t have what I want, maybe I am destined for failure.

And also — maybe not. Maybe it’s actually all ok right now and your life is abundant with love. Maybe you’re actually doing a great job and you can rest in the goodness of what is true. Aren’t you breathing and moving right now? Doesn’t that mean you are, in this moment, actually ok, even if this moment feels bad?

Maybe not knowing can be ok, maybe it’s supposed to be that way. Maybe it does work out, and it is really right and good, and maybe there is more freedom right around the corner. Maybe you’re on the brink of something so wildly beautiful and you are about to experience the kind of joy that will prove to you that there is so much to live and love for.

SO GOOD & SO BAD

If it might be absolutely terrible, it also might be absolutely delightful.

We don’t have control over how other people feel, or what they do, or what will happen today. We don’t need to dwell in paranoia, but accepting that sometimes things fall apart can help us trust in our resilience and ability to handle the crumbling. It will actually be ok.

I really think that if you’re making decisions from an embodied place you will always be able to trust that it’s gonna be worth it, even if it’s a little hard along the way.

Hoping for it to be beautiful, being aware that it might be terrible, and trusting that you’re able to handle it, sounds like a good place to be.

xx, maggie