Three Perspectives For a Better Life

The power of thinking differently.

I have written before about human agency and free will, and how we may not have as much of it as we think. I have also written about how even if we do lack free will in most areas of life, we may as well go about living as if we do. It may be the illusion of agency, of making our own, self-determined choices, that carries the power to effect change; if so, we ought to use that to our advantage. What other choice do we have, after all.

I am also in the business of therapy, of supporting people in changing their behavior and mindsets to lead authentic, fulfilling lives, and that requires the perspective that one can change their behaviors. It requires believing in agency.

Even if we lack real “control” in most areas of life, I am interested in preserving the idea that we retain at least a slice of personal agency in this uncontrollable world.

Our perspectives lie within that slice of agency. Dare I say that perspective is where we have the most agency; our perspectives are the most powerful, effective strategies for influencing our lives, for better and worse. Our perspectives, or mindsets, have the potential to shape everything we experience in life. The way we think about things, about others, and ourselves affects what we do and how we feel: A simple shift in the way we look at things could be all the difference in whether today is a good day or a bad one.

Here are a few perspectives I have found helpful and empowering over the years.

1. I am willing to consider that I can change.

“I am willing to consider that:” is possibly the most useful phrase I have in my belt. You may not be able to change your mindset or a habit immediately, but you can at least be willing to consider that it could change. Is it possible that something different could be true? If you are staunchly set in a certain mindset, but want different results, you at least have to be open to believing that things could be different. Are you willing to consider that possibility?

Take, for example, someone struggling with their body image. Trying to jump from believing “I hate the way my body looks” to “I love the way my body looks” is likely too big of a leap in perspective. What about just being open to considering that your body is okay? How about a mindset that says, “I’m open to believing that I can accept and appreciate my body as it is.”? By choosing a more open, curious perspective, we leave room for sustainable change—change that we actually, eventually, believe can happen.

As another example, let’s take the pessimist who has an inkling that their mindset is contributing to the negative outcomes they’re seeing play out in life. If they believe, “How can I be optimistic when there are all these PROBLEMS in the world”, a shifted perspective may become: “I am willing to consider that I could experience more positivity while also being aware that there are problems in the world.”

With these few words, I am willing to consider, a rigid mindset softens, thus opening up room for new possibilities to emerge. The way you see things influences what you see: Be willing to consider another way, and see what happens.

2. It’s Like This, Now. This is Ok.

Let’s read that one more time: It’s like this, now. This is ok.

This perspective targets the ability to accept the way things are, right now. Accepting the moment involves decreasing one’s mental resistance to it, simultaneously making it easier to experience, especially if the moment is hard or sad. Much of the time, our emotional pain is created by our denial, anger, rumination, or annoyance about the moment in front of us: accept the moment as it is, and much of that emotional pain dissipates.

It’s like this, now. Whether “this” is ok with you or not is beside the point: this moment and all that it encapsulates is not really about you, anyways. This moment doesn’t owe you anything.

You can accept that this moment is like this, now, without being happy about it. “This moment is ok” does not mean, necessarily, that this moment is pleasant or good—“ok” reflects an attitude of acceptance, rather than emotional neutrality. The helpful thing about acceptance, though, is that it makes it a lot easier to genuinely be ok, despite the circumstances.

There’s a quote accredited to the American Buddhist teacher Adyashanti which says: “When you argue with reality, reality always wins.” This line sums up what it’s like to expect reality to conform to your preferences: you will never win. Accepting the moment as it is—it’s like this, now, remember—guarantees you decrease your resistance to life and get to experience more ease because of it.

3. (I Can) Learn From Everything and Everyone

When you’re stuck in the weeds, resenting the circumstances of your life or certain characters in it, remember this mindset shift: you can learn something, here. There is something of value to be obtained in every situation, and you can learn from everyone you meet or spend time with. Even if it’s not something you particularly like or wanted, the point remains: you can learn something, here.

Going into any situation with this mindset makes it more likely that you will get something positive out of it. Enter with curiosity and interest, rather than presupposed judgment or an agenda. Go for the sake of the experience itself.

Make your life about paying attention and learning from everyone and everything. It makes things a hell of a lot more interesting.

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I would love to know what some of your perspectives for a better life are. Send me an email or leave a comment.

Let us all remember the power of thinking differently—or, at least, being willing to think differently.

All my best,

Maggie