Quitters usually win.

(and winners usually do a lot of quitting, because they honor what is true and right for them)

Curiosity

Among other things (like not be a sheep), my father has always encouraged me and my brother to stay curious. He reminds us often to ‘try ideas on like clothing’ — you can get a feel for how it fits, wear it around, and take it off when you’re done. 

Curiosity goes hand in hand with quitting — because in order to try new things & explore what you like, you also need to be able to call it quits when you realize it is not for you. Learning to trust myself has required knowing that if I start something, I can leave when it’s no longer true and right.

quitters usually win (and winners usually do a lot of quitting, because they honor what is true and right for them)

If you’re choosing to quit, the thing you’re quitting must no longer be working for you. Maybe it’s not fun anymore, or useful or satisfying or life enhancing. Whatever your reason is — quitting is clearly a better option than staying in what isn’t really working. 

And if you quit consciously (because it’s true and right for you), something better will come in and fill that space. (and that means you Win).

(This is the part where if I were in an actual conversation I would say this is your life !!! choose what is most true and right for you always!!!) 

Things you can quit:

a substance ~ a mindset ~ relationships ~ a job ~ a plan ~ a habit ~ a way of life ~ a belief system ~ a practice ~ a church ~ a team/group 

Why do you quit? 

I crowdsourced some answers from my lovely friends on why they might quit: 

“I overcommitted and need to take something out”

“Let go of my scarcity mindset”

“Basically if the amount of stress/misery it causes me outweighs any other benefits”

“It is draining, exhausting, no longer brings joy”

“When it’s negatively affecting my mental health”

“I can usually sense the difference between quitting because something is hard even though I actually want to keep going and when I actually need to quit something because it’s not serving me anymore” 

“For a better opportunity, growth, if it no longer suits you and you need to grow”

“Intuitively it feels wrong and uncomfortable in a bad way”

I have such smart people in my life. :’)

Other answers I’ve come up with on why you might quit:

• Because you don’t want to do it anymore. And you’re consistently not wanting to do it anymore.  

• It starts to affect your peace (or joy, functioning, etc)

• It starts to compromise your values or crosses boundaries you’ve decided are important to you 

• You don’t like it

• You feel underappreciated or disrespected (this is why I quit my last job)

• You don’t like the people or the way the thing is run (values, ethics) 

• It’s making or keeping you sick (physically, emotionally, mentally)

• You can sense that there is something better / you can do better 

I have to insert this tweet because it is so funny.

(not wanting to is such a great reason, wow).

on feeling when something is no longer right for you. 

There is certainly a difference between quitting to escape and quitting because you feel that it’s right for you. I do not have the problem of quitting when it’s just hard or uncomfortable, so quitting is usually always a great idea for me. (the pleasey fawner in me is afraid of hurting people’s feelings so she has a hard time quitting).

Glennon Doyle talks about shrinking the gap between the knowing and the doing -- how once you know what you need, and it’s clear as day in your awareness, you can then act upon it. And as you grow, it becomes very hard to not act upon your knowing.

If I know what is best for me, it will ultimately be what’s best for the other people involved. This has helped me a LOT with quitting.

Choosing to not honor what is best for you because you’re afraid of hurting feelings or being uncomfortable is not honest. And, it will probably cause more harm in the long run if you don’t choose to honor what’s right for you. 

It’s better to just do the hard true thing. 

quitting with consciousness 

There’s usually a series of moments you become aware that oh, I’m not happy here and I actually have the power to change it. When you realize ok, I’m done with this. Oh yes, I feel the clarity, here it is.

To me, the feeling of being ready to quit arrives in the ‘ugh’ feeling, the big sighs, the nose scrunch /  grimace / physical response in your body that says agh I don’t want this please don’t make me. I also know that if I stay persistently anxious or nervous or annoyed about something or someone, and it doesn’t go away, it’s time to leave. The feeling / awareness usually creeps up for a week or two, or six months, and then the actual action happens rather quickly (sometimes this shocks people because they’re like wtf I had no idea you were thinking about doing this). ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

quitting consciously

A couple things have to line up in order to consciously quit -- the desire to leave, and the ability/power to do so. Self-worth is not all of it -- you can value yourself to the moon and still not be able to quit right now because you don’t have the resources or support to do so. Start where you are.  Little incremental changes add up and are just as powerful as big sweeping decisions.

External circumstances absolutely do affect internal happiness. Yes, “wherever you go there you are” to a certain extent, but also — if you want something different or better, do it! Happiness levels depend heavily on individual biology, and also we have a lot of agency to create more happiness and joy and peace in our lives. Like literally everything else, we have some control and also have to surrender to what we have no control over. 

Why are you quitting? That’s what really matters. Chances are if it comes from your body, a true longing for something different and better, it’s the right move to quit.

There is such freedom in the “I don’t want to keep doing this, and I don’t have to keep doing this.” 

Your mind is brilliant -- it can come up with twenty-seven reasons why you should leave, and then once you do it will come up with eighteen more reasons why you shouldn’t have left. 

The wisdom lives in the body, the wisdom will come with time. You don’t have to quit before you’re ready to -- but once you’re ready to, honor that readiness. You can be ready to do something and still be scared. Readiness is not the absence of feeling anything else.

Whenever you do it, or not do it, is the right time.

Thank you, next!

xx maggie