Reflections on sobriety

As a non-sober person.

I was listening to Glennon Doyle (ofc) talk about being sober from alcohol and bulimia, and how her sobriety also includes not (knowingly) lying to or hurting herself. Obviously, I love this take.

I’m not laying any claim to speaking on being sober from substances. I’m not an addict, although people close to me are, and the conversations about sobriety have informed a lot of how I view living honestly.

If sober means ‘not intoxicated’, then sobriety implies living a life free from persistent or chronic intoxication. Sobriety, from what I see, involves a commitment to looking at and honoring the truth. Regardless of whether you’ve experienced addiction, there are many things that can keep you from freedom, and I think it’s worth considering what those things are.

Once you’re sober from the thing that’s outright killing you, you can go layer by layer into the more insidious habits and parts of your life that are slowly killing you or taking away your joy or agency. I think calling people ‘toxic’ is patronizing, but if we define toxic as ‘consistently damaging to you’, then it certainly can apply to relationships, as well as to all the subtle ways we hurt and lie to ourselves.

There are always opportunities to look at and honor the truth. If you don’t know what to look at, it’s not time, or you are not ready. If you know what to look at, it’s time to look and you are ready. 

Some situations will hurt no matter what and you’ve gotta choose what the most honest form of hurting will be. My family member chose to get help to stop hurting himself with drugs, but that choice also hurt in other ways — he lost relationships, identities, motivation. Ultimately, none of what was lost was sustainable because they weren’t grounded in his realest truest freest life, but it still fucking hurts to shed.

It’s also important to remember that until you’re ready to receive the truth, you will not be able to internalize or comprehend it. Our bodies are smaaart. They will not open up to a hard truth unless they are ready to know it — this is why suppression and avoidance come in handy. <3

There are so many places we do not have control over. Susceptibility toward addiction and mental illness are some of them. What we can change, all the spaces around what we must surrender to, is where our power lies.

xx, maggie