The Discerning Open Mind (Reprise)

Taste it all, chew it up and then decide what to spit out.

I just applied to a grad school program I’d probably go to if I’m admitted. But, who knows. I got accepted to a similar but more “esteemed” program a couple years ago, and rejected my acceptance after realizing I didn’t want to be told what to think about by anyone. I was in a deep period of figuring out how to think critically; I wanted more time to strengthen my discernment muscles on my own, without extra voices in my ears. 

During this period, I was insecure about what I actually did think and believe; this made me indignant when people who spoke like they knew what they were talking about. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do/think/say!!!” was my general attitude. I changed my ideas frequently, and was incredibly impressionable: the downside of trying to remain openminded is that you’re then susceptible to considering everything, including bullshit ideas and actually wrong information.

I’m grateful I didn’t go back to graduate school so soon after college: I wasn’t ready. I needed these last couple of years to explore what I wanted to learn on my own, without the guidance of a syllabus. I needed to actually live through some experiences and figure some things out, rather than shepherd myself back under the comforting cloak of university.

Now, I really want to be back on a university campus, and I think being there would do the correct work to expand my knowledge and nurture my curiosity. Now, I feel more confident and solid in who I am and what my values are; I’m more able to take things with many grains of salt, and mull over instead of rush to accept what I’m told as gospel. Now, my general attitude has shifted to be something more like: “you can tell me what I should do/think/say, but that doesn’t mean I’ll do anything with it.”

What growth!

---

I don’t know what’s true or right, most of the time. I’m learning that there can be a lot of peace in this unknowing: it feels better, to me, than pretending I do know. I’m learning how to keep a discerning open mind: one that knows how to sift through nonsense while rejecting the legitimately terrible ideas and skewed information.

Every day there are more things to process and figure out, as they relate to us individually and collectively. While it may be easier to nod along to the status quo that arrives right on time thanks to our very manufactured social media algorithms, it’s important to keep questioning things. Reality can be interpreted very differently as it bounces from person to person, and it’s worth it—and healthy—to consider other perspectives and views. Maybe someone else has an idea that might actually be better than the one you think is right. I think it’s more fun to move through the world with a discerning open mind than a rigidly righteous one.

---

If I end up going to grad school next year, I’ll be ready for it. There are so many smart people I’d like to learn from; hopefully I can learn from some who could lead me to a masters degree in early childhood mental health.

Unlike a few years ago, I know that I don’t have to believe everything someone with letters after their last name says. Or, for that matter, what someone with 5 million instagram followers says, or a self-diagnosed expert. They might have plenty to teach me; plenty worth considering or trying out. They also might not.

What I’ve noticed is that when someone with a kind of authority is speaking or teaching with integrity, they acknowledge the limitations of their knowledge, and leave room for nuanced interpretations. Many people really do know what they’re talking about, and we should ideally be able to trust when someone is speaking from their respective, sometimes very multifaceted wheelhouse. Still, question it. Test it out.

We’re all just people, figuring life out as we go, in our own unique ways. No one has all the answers, but together we can at least figure some answers out.

Keep tasting it all and chewing it up. You can decide later what to spit out.

Maggie