Treats and Ease

a little more softness, a little more sweetness, if we can

Treats! My favorite subject — I love treats in all shapes and forms. Every day can and should be a treat day, and we need different types of treats on different days.

Treats, as I consider them, are not restricted to things you buy or eat, but rather represent a broader practice of honoring yourself and caring for your body. It also includes giving and receiving treats from others.

We don’t have control over a lot of what happens in the world. We cannot control other people or what they do or say. And, also! We have quite a bit of control over how we treat our bodies, and if we choose to listen to its needs and wisdom, or not.  We get to make choices all day long about what we are consuming with regard to food, people, information, entertainment, etc. 

The body is incredibly intelligent and knows what to do to take care of us. It’s always doing its best to let you know when you need to rest, to eat, to drink water, to move, to stop. We also have these beautiful minds to help our bodies out when we’re triggered and our body thinks it’s appropriate to panic or shut down (think fight/flight/freeze/ fawn) when it’s not actually necessary -- when we are actually safe. Long story short: our bodies love us so much that they literally work all the time to make sure we stay alive. 

While we’re at it, let’s take a long, deep breath. Biggest breath you’ve taken all day. 

Your body allows you to live your life. I always think ‘what if the whole purpose of why we’ve been given a body is so that we can feel things. So that we can have experiences in them. So that we can learn and change and grow and love. Our bodies are the vehicles that allow us to love more deeply and truthfully, to bring forth the gifts and knowledge we each have to share with this world. 

I’m interested in more people giving their bodies more love, and approaching life with a little more ease and sweetness. I want to make this life as enjoyable and delightful and easeful as possible. Not easy, necessarily, but easeful. With an abundance of treats, of course.

Living with more ease

Ease is a state of being - a mindset, if you will -- that is not dependent on external circumstances. Even in the midst of chaos -- of being busy busy busy -- of being confused or stuck or sad -- you can navigate with a little more ease. A little more breath. A little more softness.

I do not mean that you should take the cheap way out (although don’t create needless suffering) or skirt around things that feel big and hard and scary. You can do hard things (thank you, Glennon) and also, it doesn’t all have to be so hard. 

As dear Carl Rogers the late therapist said, “the curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change.” I think of ease as a state of allowing what is true. It requires an acceptance of ‘this is how it is right now’. It is a softening, a letting go of what you are “trying really hard” or “hoping really hard” for. Approaching something with an attitude of ease invites in space -- a little extra breathing room. 

Force does not have to be the only approach to get things done. We are so heavily conditioned to griiiiind and work really fucking hard and then we burn out and get sick and sad and are stuck and frustrated and bitter about everything.  

I always feel nervous when writing or talking about this because I don’t want to come across as insensitive or denying very real horrors and barriers to living more freely in the world. Because I’m certainly not. Ease is not a denying of what is true — in fact, it is the opposite. It is an absolute acceptance of what is true in order to then invite more softness, breath, and space into the situation or relationship.

Because (refer back to Carl) when we accept what is, then things can change. It’s the awareness that allows us to make different choices. When we know what’s going on, we can do something about it, consciously.

Choosing more joy

Let’s redefine treats as ‘Allowing yourself to choose the thing that will bring you more pleasure/joy. And don’t get it twisted -- I’m not talking about quick fixes or escaping through substances or buying things in excess. I’m saying treat your body well and allow yourself pleasure and joy. Because we are here on this planet, in these bodies and we deserve to enjoy this life when we can.

You have the capacity to love yourself — it is in your biology. You see it in young children all the time. They LOVE themselves! They know how to love, abundantly and honestly.

I'm sure we can all come up with ten million reasons why the statement ‘love yourself’ is annoying or whatever. The greater point is that wherever you are, whatever point in your life you are right now, you do deserve to give yourself some more love. Some more grace, some more compassion. You deserve to treat yourself more lovingly.

You don’t have to create more suffering than there already is. There is a lot of suffering in the world -- because you are a human, you will suffer. Some will suffer more than others. Denying yourself joy or pleasure (TREATS) because you feel “guilty” or “like you don’t deserve it” is not going to help anyone.  

What if, when you allowed yourself more joy, you actually became more free? What if, when you allowed yourself more joy just because, you actually were more able to serve others and the planet in more authentic, powerful ways? When we are operating at a higher capacity, we are able to create more change. When you fill your cup to overflow, the overflow spills out to fill the cups of others.

As always, there is a lot of nuance to this. Sometimes we do things we don’t “really want to do” because we love people. Because our relationships matter. Because we just must. My dad has always told me, “at the end of the day, you will always have to take out the trash and brush your teeth.” (sub in your own specific examples).

We can’t have everything we want all the time! People will disappoint us! Plans will change and you will be Bummed! You will feel sad and you will feel afraid and there will be suffering! If there wasn’t these feelings, how would you even know what joy felt like?

So. We know we are gonna suffer in this lifetime. Why don’t we make things a little easier for ourselves, a little more enjoyable, if we can. Then, that energy is what we are contributing to the world.

This is why I have a tiny broom in my bedroom - so I don’t have to walk all the way to the kitchen to get the bigger broom. This is why I have salt in my car! So I never have to wish that my on -the-go food was more salty (saltier?). 

Ease, baby. Isn’t life hard enough?

What if you just waited a breath or two hundred more, when things feel panicky and hard and forced. What if you looked around at what you’re trying to force to work in your life and accepted that ok, this feels really sticky and hard. Maybe I can soften into this. Or, maybe this means I actually just need to turn around and try something different. 

Things to ponder. 

Go get yourself a treat, please. 

xx maggie