Wait til it stops bleeding.

You don’t have to expose your raw wounds to everyone.

Not every person deserves access to your inner world. You don’t have to share your feelings and experiences with everyone. Especially if they don’t ask, or if you don’t trust them to be able to receive it. Or you don’t want them to know, or it’s none of their damn business.

I remember the first time I told a friend that I was in treatment for an eating disorder. It went so badly. She did not know what to say or how to handle it, and I instantly regretted telling her. My wounds were still very gaping, I was so sick and isolated, and this interaction did nothing but reinforce my loneliness. It wasn’t her fault — I just needed something (validation, support, compassion) that she didn’t know how to give.

Sharing what’s in your heart is supposed to make you feel lighter, softer, seen, held. It is supposed to be relieving — not add more stress. Doing the work to open up should leave you feeling empowered and seen, not defensive and misunderstood. You can (you must) be discerning in what you share and who you share with. You have your people, but your people are not everyone.

When the wound is fresh, we need someone we trust to sit with us as we cry and tend to it. Thank god for ride-or-die processing pals. We are more sensitive and vulnerable in these moments of fresh hurt! If we’re running around bleeding all over everyone, looking for validation or acceptance or a quick bandaid, your wound may keep getting poked at and you’ll end up even more busted.

Your inner world is not for everyone to pick at! Share for your own benefit.

Because I’ve done a lot of healing around my eating disorder, I can talk casually about being an anorexic adolescent when it’s relevant and feel neutral about however it is received. It doesn’t matter what anyone says, I’ve accepted and integrated this in myself so that talking about it doesn't affect me like it used to. I’m not exposing my raw wound — it has scabbed and been picked open again and again over the last twelve years. Now it’s a scar that is mostly healed, sometimes tender, part of my skin.

This is true of any big hard experiences or feelings. Once they heal a little, you won’t be as activated when ‘it’ comes up, or as susceptible to internalizing others’ opinions. This is a reminder, to me and to whoever needs it, that you don’t have to talk about anything that you don’t want to talk about. You don’t have to go around exposing your gaping wounds, your scabs or even your scars. Not everyone is going to understand you, and not everyone will want to understand you. The most important thing is that you trust yourself to know what you know.

If it hurts and is bleeding right now, be gentle and share when you’re ready to. Or don’t.

xx, maggie