You Are What You (Consistently) Do

Make it line up with the life you want to be living.

My dad sent me a quote on Sunday that hasn’t left my mind, one from Shane Parrish’s weekly newsletter “Brain Food”. Parrish compiles timeless wisdom and quotes many great thinkers and writers, as well as himself—this week, he has this to say:

“Consistency compounds while occasional brilliance fades.”

I needed to read that.

When we talk about self-development—which, by now, you know we do here—consistency may be the most reliably good advice you can take. If you want to make anything in your life better, you have to work for it consistently. A little bit at a time. You have to do it again, again, again.

I get antsy sometimes, hoping that something big and shiny is around the corner; I hope that I’ll suddenly strike it rich or write something that gets a lot of attention. I think about the things I want, far off in the future, and then look at my pile of homework and mundane to-do list and wonder, Is this really going anywhere?

It’s hard to see growth when you’re in the middle of living it; nevertheless, what we do every day is critical to the process of the bigger picture. What we do every day may even be the bigger picture. What we do most consistently, as it turns out, is constantly shaping ourselves and our lives. It’s important, and yes, it is going somewhere. Everything is.

So while we may feel sometimes like life is but a series of mundane routines and habits, punctuated by variation or thrill every so often, we must remember: our today matters. Hoping something amazing will happen or that we will stumble upon brilliance sets us up, quite frankly, for stop-and-start success, and more disappointment than is necessary.

It might be nice to be brilliant every once in a while and suddenly enhance our quality of life; and, brilliance is not the meat and potatoes of daily life. We can influence our lives in positive ways now, by shifting our focus from what we desire in the future to what we are doing today.

What we are doing today, as it turns out, is where we have a whole lot more influence. Consistency compounds, as Parrish says, and it’s true. It’s true on the most fundamental level: we become what we do most often. Our habits are the bedrock to life; by changing our habits, we change our lives. The choices we make every day are nothing short of the most important things we do; arguably, the choices we make are all we really have in our scope of intentional influence.

When we think about self- or life-improvement, or wanting to experience positive changes in our lives, we often shoot for the stars and get lost there. Sure, keep your dreams and big goals in mind if you have them, but don’t discount what you do today, every day. Hoping for something in our lives to change—a big raise, a “viral” video, more “time” to work on our goals, or the sudden desire and willpower to quit that thing we know we should quit—places our agency further away from us. As Parrish implicitly suggests, desiring big, sweeping change or a stroke of brilliance to break us out of a rut is unreliable. Instead, we ought to—and can—focus on what we do every day. He goes on to write,

“Time isn't the constraint. Your choices are. // Great outcomes aren't built on great days, but on consistent ones.”

Our choices about what we do every day is what has the power to change our lives. Forget about waiting for your big break; pay attention to what you do every single day, perhaps multiple times a day. Pay attention to what you give your attention to: therein lies the power to change.

There’s a concept in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—the most common, go-to treatment for treating disorders like depression and anxiety—called “Behavioral Activation.” It’s a practice found to be so effective that it’s become a brand of therapy all on its own: Behavioral Activation Therapy. In short, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) broadly focuses on challenging and changing one’s faulty cognitions (pesky thoughts and beliefs, like “I’m not good enough”) in an attempt to cause related changes in behavior and emotions. Behavioral activation primarily focuses on changing one’s behavior in positive ways. The theory is that changing your behavior—which may be more accessible than changing those oft-cryptic and unconscious thoughts—will have the effect of changing your mood and, consequently, thought patterns. For example, if you are depressed, a behavioral activation approach would tell you to quit dwelling on your underlying depressive thoughts and focus on how you can move your body and see your friends this week.

Behavioral activation, or changing your negative behaviors by replacing them with more positive ones, can be really hard. We’re used to doing what we’ve been doing, even if it isn’t working. And, this has been found to be one of the most effective techniques for making consistent positive changes to your mental health and thus, your life.

All of us are subject to the mundane patterns of our daily lives. All of us are already consistent about many, many things, whether we want to be or not. Does your current life reflect what you say you want from it? If your answer is ‘no’ in regard to any area, turn your attention to what you are actually doing consistently every day that may be preventing what you want from happening. Analyze your habits—even the most mundane of them all—in the context of how they make you feel. Don’t keep waiting for your big break, or for something to change in the external world. Find your locus of control in the here and now; be willing to shift your focus and energy so that the things you are consistent about are compounding in the direction you want to be heading.

As Parrish reminds us, “You don’t need more time. You need more focus.”

This week, pay attention to what you are already consistent about, and whether it lines up with the life you want. Adjust accordingly.

Maggie