You don’t have to be grateful

And also, there’s so much to be grateful for

context.

Circa 2016, I began my spiritual / awareness / growth journey, in which I tried pretty much everything I heard about. I wanted to taste it all. I attended chanting circles and meditated, I learned about Buddhism and read The Untethered Soul (hands down #1 book changed my whole entire life). I became immersed in the wellness / yoga / spirituality worlds, and I was really trying to be the easy breezy casual girl who taught yoga at the gym and wore billowy pants from Thailand. Davis, California was also a prime place to try on this identity.

I was earnest and genuine in my explorations, and also — I was a paranoid 19-year-old who rigidly adhered to a variety of self-improvement practices so she could hopefully talk to ghosts and heal her acid reflux. (the 28oz of morning celery juice didn’t work, nor did the sugar-free vegan diet or the 20-minute solar plexus meditations).

This era, while Definitely a little cringey, was a really important and beautiful chapter that informs the way I approach life now.

gratitude.

I became a gratitude enthusiast once I learned that dozens of psych studies show that practicing gratitude can change your neural pathways and is overall ~good~ for you. Enhance your self-esteem! Make friends! Sleep better! Be more empathetic! Improve your social/emotional/physical/psychological health!!

Jess Lively, a podcaster I used to follow closely, teaches about living in flow, the law of attraction, Abraham Hicks, and quantum physics. Jess introduced me to ‘rampages of appreciation’, where you sit down for an extended period of time to write or type out 100+ things that you appreciate with an ! on the end. So like,

I appreciate my roommates! I appreciate this disco ball in my kitchen! I appreciate my cold brew with cinnamon and cacao! etc. etc. 

Ultimately, what usually happens is that you stir up an intense feeling of gratitude in your body, and recognize that there are so many things that you’re grateful for. And from this place, you can move through your day with more alignment and ease. Kind of wild, very cool.

I used to do rampages of appreciation when I worked at the Coho, the campus café where people would approach me on a weekly basis to tell me I looked like Arya Stark/Maisie Williams from Game of Thrones. On slow mornings, I would print out receipt paper at the register and write down lists of things I was grateful for. I wanted to be grateful so much. Partially because I thought I should be grateful, and also because genuine gratitude is a really beautiful practice and actually works and has helped me shift my mindset in a big way.

gratitude is great, we love it —

And also! I see gratitude (forced optimism, false positivity) sometimes used as a way to bypass real feelings and problems. Cue ‘it’s not that bad’ and ‘oh, everything happens for a reason,’ and ‘oh but look at the bright side’, ‘you should be grateful, people have it so much worse’.

Mmm, no. When something hard happens you gotta feel how it makes you feel. Acknowledge, process, reflect. You can’t jump straight to gratitude, to ‘oh everything is fine!!!” You don’t have to be grateful for the terrible (or semi-terrible) shit that happened to you! Sometimes fucked up stuff just happens. And the reason is ‘because it just did. Because life happens that way sometimes. You don’t need to ascribe a profound reason to it. Be fucking sad that you lost a job or a soccer game, or your crush doesn’t like you. Cry, rage, mope — it’s literally fine to feel how you’re feeling. Don’t wallow, and don’t avoid.

growth unlocked.

Difficult, sad things unlock opportunities to grow. They allow for lessons and blessings, and eventually you may be grateful for where you were led. The hardest moments in my life have led to beauty and joy. But I had to let myself be angry and sad and scared before I could get there.

The gratitude will come. The ‘thank you for what I got to learn, thank you that I ended up here’ will come. Don’t force, feel. Be here now. Learn from what is here now. Feel what is here now.

“in order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn” - Octavia E. Butler.

(yes).

There is so much to be afraid of. So much to be angry about. So many things that are sad.

And also.

There is so much to be grateful for, right now.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

xx maggie

What are you grateful for? What is good in your life right now? Who are your people right now, and why are you grateful for them?

What does it feel like in your body.

What makes you ooze with love and sweetness, what do you look forward to. 

What’s happening that makes you smile. 

Where can you direct your thoughts toward that feels lighter.

Where are you being invited to grow? How have you grown? 

very thankful for the lovely humans who read this silly little newsletter, my silly little project that actually brings me an immense amount of satisfaction and sense of fulfillment.

I’m releasing a zine of short stories, poems, and reflections in 2022. I’ve compiled a lot of my own work and also am including some of my friends’ work. If you’re interested in submitting something, let me know.