Your inner dialogue
Builds you up or tears you down.
As you become more aware of the constant chatter in your mind, you may realize that it actually runs the show of your life. All day long, this obnoxious narration is observing, trying to plan, arguing with itself, figuring out everyone else’s problems, judging everything you do and say. Sometimes this voice is chill, but more often is so mean and rude.
Luckily, there are multiple narratives to listen to — our inner dialogue can drag us down or lift us up. My yoga teacher talks about how we all have an inner critic and an inner best friend. We can tune into what each voice is saying at any point that we remember they both exist. For every self-deprecating ‘you’re stupid how could you have … ?!’, there is also a gentler ‘hey, it’s ok, there’s a lot going on, you’re doing your best’. Or as my friends and I tell each other, ‘maybe that was weird but it’s also literally fine.’
You don’t have to be so mean to yourself.
Also luckily, you can influence your inner chatter and feel better about yourself. When you notice that your inner world is chaotic or cruel, you can begin to shift it by simply choosing what voice you pay attention to. Are you feeding the voice of love, peace, and compassion? Or the one that spews self-hatred, judgment and lies? (This framework is from a Cherokee legend called “Two wolves” that illustrates the power of choosing what to focus on). The media content you consume and the people around you affect your thoughts and perspectives and decisions. If there is too much bitterness around you that fuels and validates your inner critic, make more room for your inner best friend. Listen for them. Listen to them.
The thoughts we think, especially the ones we believe, create narratives that guide what we say yes or no to, or dictate what is ok or not, and keep us small or let us expand. What we think does matter, which is why it matters to pay attention to what we are thinking. Thoughts on their own, however, are just thoughts — we are the ones who give thoughts power.
Trust, but verify (so the stoics say).
Our inner dialogue is formed by years of conditioning and societal norms, beliefs we developed in childhood, pain from rejection and heartbreak. We have been steeped in stereotypes and assumptions — our initial emotional responses and the thoughts that accompany them are often misguided and don’t reflect the actual truth.
Many of your thoughts should not be taken seriously. Stop assuming that your thoughts are helpful and keeping you “safe” — chances are this “safety” is actually entrapment. The stoics teach that we need to trust ourselves, but that it’s critical to verify what we are trusting. Sometimes we are not trusting our Actual Self — we are merely at the whims of the thoughts of the conditioned mind. Epictetus reminds us that our “initial impressions are not always correct — put them to the test.”Question your inner narrative! (Although not to the point of paranoia, a route I have certainly taken before).
You can question the mind’s chatter without doubting yourself. You can be trusted. The part of you that feels like you can’t be trusted is hurt and scared. And, the deeper truer voice of yourself will definitely have nice things to say to the one inside who is scared. Check around for this voice.
Speak it free.
If you speak out loud the craziness your mind is spouting about how you’re boring or ugly or ‘a bad…’, you can see how devastating and harmful it is to believe these things. Let it be witnessed by someone else or by your own self. Speak it free. It is just a thought, it doesn’t have to be true.
There’s always another voice within you, who is kinder and softer and always supportive. Even if they’re saying you’ve gotta do a hard thing, it will come from a place of trust.
Believe the part of you that is unshakably loving, who says that you are strong and wise and good. Listen for this voice.
xx, maggie
p.s. Episode 4 of Star Hopping podcast is out now! It is called ‘Suffering’ and is about suffering.
I battle with those two wolves every day! Going to let the ‘good wolf’ win.