Manifesting Your Dream Life

It’s not all up to you.

The dream life.

I’ve thought a lot over the years about manifestation, and devoted an inordinate amount of time, effort, and money toward intentional, creative living. I’ve been around the manifestation block a few times, one could say, and picked up some wisdom along the way.

Broadly speaking, manifestation (or conscious creation) guides and gurus often teach that you are the sole creator of your life, and thus you must take responsibility for every thought and external situation that arises. Only by claiming your childhood conditioning, and then eradicating it, can you touch the essence of that elusive authentic self and live your dream life. Certain critics react to these teachings and say things like “that’s spiritual bypassing” or “manifestation is only for the rich and privileged and doesn’t implicate systems of oppression.” Functionally, these critiques are as reductionist as the claims they are critiquing, and fail to really get us anywhere. As usual, there is so much good nuanced ground in between.

This brings us to the plentiful garden varieties of manifestation. One of the most popular rests upon New Thought’s Law of Attraction—the idea that you attract what you focus on, and positive or negative thoughts create positive or negative experiences, respectively.¹ People drawn to this variety have presumably watched Netflix’s The Secret, listened to Abraham Hicks, and found books like You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay or Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. They may be interested in vision boarding, and live according to the mantras “positive vibes only” or “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a f*** no”. They may even listen to the slightly avant-garde manifestation teacher who explains the energetics of lack and abundance; who chalks unpleasant experiences up to “low self-worth.” The emphasis in this sort of New Age spirituality is on personal responsibility, and on paying close attention to inner thoughts and feelings.

Other people may prefer varieties of self-development that explicitly center self-discipline: adhering to strict morning routines and a clean, toxin-free lifestyle is what ensures that you function optimally and achieve your goals. You’d be hard-pressed to find the word “manifestation” around here, but the sentiment is the same: get clear about what you do and don’t want; don’t give up on your dreams; believe in yourself. Entrepreneurs like Ryan Holiday, Ed Mylett, James Clear, Lewis Howes or Tony Robbins tend to fall into this category.

We mustn’t forget the quantum mechanics guys, like Joe Dispenza or Deepak Chopra, who explain how to train your brain through meditation to exist in higher levels of consciousness. In this way, you manipulate the infinite quantum field of energy and experience meaningful changes in your brain chemistry as well as in your external reality. This vein of self-help reminds you that you do not have ultimate control over what happens, but still underlines your personal ability to create your best life and live as your true self (by repeatedly practicing visualization).

You may have dipped your toes into any or many of the above sources, for any duration of time, and found something of value there. I certainly have. Most people have been interested in changing aspects of their lives, and this pursuit can be wonderfully transformative. However, manifestation culture has not been immune to extremism or dogmatism, and it has become nothing short of a confusing mess. There’s a lot of manifestation or self-development content to sift through to get near something that feels balanced and makes sense.

I continue to remain interested in exploring the nature of self-agency, and am driven by this question: how much power do we really have to create our own realities, and how much must we surrender to the natural flow of life; to those unseen forces over which we have no control?

The nuanced approach to manifestation.

Here’s what I’ve learned from years of being openly manifestation-curious: we are neither the sole creators of our lives nor are we victims of a random universal order. We do have the ability to make meaningful life changes and overcome challenges; and, much of what happens is not in our control. We are autonomous individuals, and we are also only one thread of the intricate web of humanity: necessarily confined by the limits of our minds and morality, the consequences of our actions, and the structures that be. In sum: some things are up to us to decide, but many things aren’t.

The problem is that this more nuanced, gray take I’m describing doesn’t sell as readily as “achieve your dream life after five sessions of XYZ” does. The market for nuanced takes is growing, definitely, but they don’t yet pull profits like passionate promises of a dream life do. What’s particularly aggravating to me about typical manifestation self-help is that so much of it is still incredibly focused on controlling and predicting an uncontrollable, unpredictable world.

What manifestation culture often misses is that our personal agency and power to effect change is only one aspect of how life unfolds: the other is the wild whims of life itself. Even if you perfect your morning routine, never consume seed oils, monitor your thoughts for negativity, and religiously meditate as your higher self, things that you don’t like will still occur. It may be fun—and even useful—to cast lists detailing the type of home and partner you are “calling in”, but it doesn’t mean that’s what you’ll get. The world does not owe you anything just because you decide it’s what you want.

Not for us to decide.

I think that when we are living honestly as ourselves, in accordance with our feelings or interests or instincts or responses, we naturally attract and create the life we truly want to be living—a life that feels rewarding, satisfying, inspiring, and fun.

Maybe we should focus on responding to and feeling each moment, rather than mentally planning for an unknown future or rehashing past wounds. Maybe we practice dancing with life, rather than try to direct it. Perhaps we can stay open to being surprised and delighted by what life brings us; maybe life has better plans than our minds do.

Be who you are and let life be lived through you. Practice surrendering to the divine intelligence that orders the universe. Offer yourself to the world and let yourself receive what the world has to offer you.

Your dream life may just manifest for you, all by itself.

Maggie

1. New Thought is a spiritual movement (sometimes called a “mind-healing” movement) of the 19th century brought to the fore by Phineas Quimby. In short, it emphasizes that disease and disorders result from the mind and can therefore be resolved with thinking better thoughts.