The Discerning Open Mind.
On having some opinions and remembering our compassion.
Not well-rounded.
There is an endless stream of content we can (and do) engage in. New stories pop up constantly for us to respond to, and the illusion of the media can make it seem like we should be responding to all of it. That because it’s out there, we need to have a solidly informed and socially acceptable take on nuclear energy, Twitter, the natural disaster of the hour, and that random person who is currently getting a lot of attention. All this while still going about our daily lives as functional, productive humans.
There’s a great quote I can’t seem to trace that says, “don’t focus on being well-rounded — aim for sharp.”1
Instead of striving to be well-rounded about every topic under the sun, maybe we should invest more time and energy into caring a lot about the things we actually care about. Let’s be sharp and savvy about what is meaningful to us.
What if we were a little more ok with not having an opinion about everything? What if it were easier to acknowledge when we don’t know enough about this, or we don’t know what we think about that? How about just saying, I don’t know?
Not having an opinion on every issue is not synonymous with hiding under a rock or pretending real events aren’t happening. We are each allowed to choose what we explore, do, and share based on what we are actually interested in, rather than what other people think.
Part of knowing yourself is figuring out where you are needed and valued. Go in the direction of what you are naturally excited or curious about. Let what you love guide you. Constructing informed points of view about what you do know can help build honest communities and generate innovative ideas.
The discerning open mind.
You are entitled to your opinions and to changing them. Others are also entitled to their opinions and ideas, even if you think they are incorrect. Those others might think your ideas are crazy or wrong, and we all need to exist on the same planet.
The balance, for me, is to stay open-minded while also discerning. Since many people like to have an opinion about everything, the amount of inaccurate or misinformed claims is staggering. It feels important to remember that sensationalizing bizarre stories is a main characteristic of many branches of media. Cherry picking the more ridiculous ideas to broadcast generates engagement.
The discerning open mind knows what is worth considering or thinking about. It is interested in treating people ethically, and dedicated to sourcing accurate information. The discerning open mind is willing to hear alternative viewpoints, but does not lose the function of its bullshit detector.
We can stay open-minded without getting lost in a sea of incorrect weirdness that doesn’t make sense. We can stay critical but not cynical. The world doesn’t need more cynicism — it needs dreamers grounded in reality, brave enough to speak and change their minds, and humble enough to listen.
In my opinion.
Respect and compassion for all beings, everywhere.
Fearing ideas and differing points of view does not create a more symbiotic society. Neither does verbally attacking or dehumanizing the people behind the ideas.
All of the classes that earned me my degrees (human development and psychology) taught me that there are a multitude of complex reasons why each person is the way they are. The way we think, what we believe, and who we become cannot be reduced to the concept of nature or nurture. Epigenetics — how the environment affects genetic expression — gets closer to offering us answers.2 The framework for understanding that each person is the way they are because of their DNA, the ways in which they were raised, and the events of their life thus far, can serve to provoke some compassion for those we deem ‘other.’
All people deserve respect and kindness, even if we disagree with them. After all, if you were born in their body and raised like they were, perhaps you would think just like they do.
Maybe if we can’t understand another, we can remember that we can disengage and leave them alone. Maybe if we can’t respect someone else’s opinion, we can focus instead on respecting their basic right to have that opinion.
Feeling confident about sharing our thoughts and ideas does not require everyone we know to get on board with the way we think. Not everyone will care about what we’re saying, and that has to be ok, because it’s out of our control. Our business is not to monitor what other people are saying or not, but to be responsible for ourselves and live in alignment with our own values and principles.
To end, a Thich Nhat Hanh passage from his book How to Love:
“If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue to draw the water to cook, wash, and drink. The river is immense, and it has the capacity to receive, embrace, and transform. When our hearts are small, our understanding and compassion are limited, and we suffer. We can’t accept or tolerate others and their shortcomings, and we demand that they change. But when our hearts expand, these same things don’t make us suffer anymore. We have a lot of understanding and compassion and can embrace others. We accept others as they are, and then they have a chance to transform.”3
Fully accepting another as they are, right now, opens up the possibility for positive change to occur. When we force and push agendas or opinions, or judge the human behind the idea we don’t like, our hearts and minds close. Carl Rogers and Ram Dass would attest.4
May we stay sharp and compassionate, open and discerning.
Much love to all of you in this bright and beautiful new January.
Maggie
Most likely from American psychologist Donald Clifton, whose work was dedicated to helping people identify their strengths.
Epigenetics translates to ‘on top of genetics’ and is the study of how environmental factors can alter gene expression and function without changing the DNA itself. It’s nature and nurture.
This article by Maria Topova of The Marginalian is an incredible taste of Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings on love and understanding.
I cannot help but quote them at least once a month.
The discerning open mind is willing to hear alternative viewpoints, but does not lose the function of its bullshit detector.